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The Move In.

In my previous post I talked about "5 Things They Don't Tell You About Moving In Together." I wanted to take a step further in today's post to tell you a more detailed account of things I did and have noticed about the days following the move in with my ex (almost) husband.

When we were dating and before we got married my ex (almost) husband was all about getting married after we graduated college and started a career. He was in school to become a physical therapist and it would have taken more than 5 years to complete all the schooling, etc. that he needed to start a career.

... then less than 6 months later we found out that I was pregnant with my now 3 year old... and he proposed. THIS was a red flag for my parents... why I did not listen? I don't know.

I honestly don't even remember them saying anything about it.

Other before we were married things I knew but never addressed... I knew he was a cheater. I found videos, images, text messages, etc. on his p…

6 Moments of Clarity

We all have that moment. You know the one where everything becomes clear-er (more clear)? Maybe not 100% without a doubt perfectly clear, but more obvious than it was before.

There are so many moments for me that I could share for these 6 things I know I absolutely hate in a relationship. But I am going to try to keep it short and to the point.

1.Saying Good Morning/ Good Night or Hello/ Goodbye... 

This is a big one for me. If you can't take the two seconds to say good morning or good night and kiss me one quick time then you make me feel like you don't care. My ex husband was notorious for this. Walking through the door and immediately looking around for the baby or looking around to see what was for dinner or what I had cleaned that day. In fact most nights we were going to bed angry at each other... which brings me to my next point.

2. Going to bed angry with me or with each other...

Ephesians 4:26- Do not let the sun go down on your anger...

Nothing is EVER resolved once you go to bed angry. Laying in bed crying at night makes you feel alone and hopeless. Like nothing you do is okay. Like your spouse could care less about your feelings, and just wants you to dwell in whatever it is that pissed them off. The days and nights like this continue until you have a pile of "failures" on your shoulders and they hold them all against you... in private and in public places.

3. "What have you been doing all day?" 

These words hurt. I was made to feel like I was there to take care of the kids, clean the house and cook dinner... the complete house wife package. Some days I would go out and take photos for families and come home and edit the photos making a little bit of extra money... and would still hear the words "what have you been doing all day? Sitting on your computer?" ... he made me feel as though my photography wasn't worth my time. Like I should just be cleaning, cooking and bathing children all day. I love my children. And I love taking care of the man in the my life, but I refuse to let go of my dreams to pursue being a house wife. I even felt like some days I would never be able to go back to school. And after all I had worked my whole 12 years in school to be the smartest in my class and pursue big things in life... to now be sitting at home cooking and cleaning.

**this is not to say house wives are not amazing human beings. Because they are! However, some people see this as an accomplishment and honestly if that is what you want in life then you go girl! More power to you! Everyone has a different outlook on what their biggest accomplishments are, should or will be. 

4. Being rude or having a hateful attitude towards my parents...

If you don't like my parents or my family in general then you aren't going to last with me. I learned this the hard way. I was kept from my family simply because I wanted to spend time with my ex husband, but he didn't want to go and visit my family who lived 10 minutes down the road. I had to choose between him and them and that was hurtful to me, to them and to our relationship. I even heard the words " I don't want you at your parents house all the time." ....

5. Screaming, yelling or fighting in front of the children...

If you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything at all is a bit too far for this one... BUT if you can't say what you need to say without yelling then move it to another room and try to keep your voice down. The kids don't need to be scared and hear us yelling at each other... I don't want my daughter growing up thinking she should be treated like that and I don't need my son doing the same to the women in his life.

These beautiful children need to live in an environment where they feel safe and secure.

** I would like to add to this that I never hear my mom and my dad (step-dad, but they have been married since I was in the 6th grade) yelling, screaming or fighting. And MOST of the time I can't even tell if they are having an argument or if they are mad at one another. THIS is GOALS! 

6. Putting his WANTS before my NEEDS... 

This isn't the biggest issue in the world, but we never had much money to spend. Most of the money we did have went to bills and food. At one point I was so badly in need of undergarments (bras in particular) that the ONE bra I did have was falling apart and he still refused to buy new ones because "we don't have the money"... any time he WANTED something it was bought or put on a credit card. I went so many days without the things I needed or even wanted simply because we didn't have the money and I absolutely hate when I can't afford to purchase things that I feel are a need.

...A girl needs a reward every now and then.. .you know what I mean?

These are just some of the things that I learned in my marriage. Things that bother me and I don't want to deal with ever again. They are hurtful to me, to the relationship and to the children. They are not to be taken lightly in any relationship. This list will be different for everyone. Everyone will have different "pet peeves" if that is what you want to call them. However, whether you are in your first relationship or on your fourth marriage... every person is different and every relationship is different. That is something I have to remind myself constantly.



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