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The Move In.

In my previous post I talked about "5 Things They Don't Tell You About Moving In Together." I wanted to take a step further in today's post to tell you a more detailed account of things I did and have noticed about the days following the move in with my ex (almost) husband.

When we were dating and before we got married my ex (almost) husband was all about getting married after we graduated college and started a career. He was in school to become a physical therapist and it would have taken more than 5 years to complete all the schooling, etc. that he needed to start a career.

... then less than 6 months later we found out that I was pregnant with my now 3 year old... and he proposed. THIS was a red flag for my parents... why I did not listen? I don't know.

I honestly don't even remember them saying anything about it.

Other before we were married things I knew but never addressed... I knew he was a cheater. I found videos, images, text messages, etc. on his p…

3 Things my Ex Taught Me

My mom always says things like "if it doesn't happen it wasn't meant to be" or "when one door closes another door opens." I have to say I do agree with statements like this, and I catch myself saying them often to other people.

For me my first marriage wasn't a complete fail. I created two beautiful children that I wouldn't trade for anything. I learned. I grew. and if I had not met him I wouldn't be where I am today... which can be seen as a good or bad thing.

I am choosing to see my strengths... you have to make lemonade out of the lemons you are given. Those sour moment are the ones that make you grow up.

So three things that my ex taught me...

I was terrified to stand up for myself. There were a countless number of times where he raised his voice at me, threw things at me ( a laundry basket for instance), lied to me, and disrespected me. I did not confront him. I let him do it and held my tongue out of fear. I was fearful of the consequences, and what would happen to me and our daughter if I left him.
Multiple times I attempted to leave. To take our daughter and drive to my parents for a few hours while he calmed down. BUT he would not let me.
All the times I found proof of him cheating... I never spoke up.

This is not a knock to mothers who choose to stay home with their babies, because you did CHOOSE that. More power to you! All of my life I have been a driven person, with dreams to be a powerful woman. I want to change the world, and I want to make a difference.
Stay at home moms have A LOT of work to do. They are doing the work of a maid, nanny, cook, and personal assistant all in one. They are scheduling appointments, driving kids around, cleaning the house on a daily basis, cooking 2-3 meals a day and raising kids! Kids are hard work.
My ex would come home and be mortified if the house wasn't spotless, the laundry wasn't done and dinner wasn't cooked. There were days that I would be feeling terrible or the baby would be sick.. I would not get anything done, and he would still be ticked off.
If dinner wasn't ready, or if it wasn't made EXACTLY  right he would criticize the food.
He would question what I had been doing all day.

Through all of the struggle and all of the pain I stood beside him and believed in him. I forgave him, I defended him. I did everything I could to make his pain disappear.
I trusted his family, I trusted his friends... and because of that he made me look like a fool in the end.
and while I know now that I am a forgiving and trusting person... I also know that I am not nearly as forgiving or as trusting as I was before.
I will always know now what actions deserve second chances and which don't.

He changed me in many other ways. BUT he also defined me and helped me to see what strengths have always been there. I am strong.

I will make lemonade out of the lemons in my life. Will you?



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